Asperger's

We decided to finally have Jeremy diagnosed because he is having problems in fifth grade. It was difficult to see him go from getting the citizenship award and student of the month, to getting weekly, sometimes daily, write-ups and being labeled a "problem" student. His teacher "team" just didn't get him. Every single one of their complaints is about a direct Asperger's trait.

Many people do not understand Asperger's (including some very experienced teachers). It is on the autism spectrum. They have trouble with eye contact and seem to not be plugged in at times. They are labeled rude because they are often logical to a fault lacking tact in their comments. They tend to speak with an unusual inflection. They may seem like they are not listening at times because they are not looking at you when you speak, but that is because it is easier for them to process what you are saying if they are looking away. But they also are prone to daydreaming- usually dreaming about their latest fixation, which for Jeremy is video games. They don't do well in group projects because they move at their own pace. They have a strong sense of social justice (Jeremy will cry when characters in movies die). They can become easily overwhelmed when they are over-stimulated and can have meltdowns (Jeremy had one in a Whole Foods in Santa Fe on vacation when he started freaking out about his homework- this was at a time when things were particularly bad at school). They often have sensory integration disorder. Aspies tend to perform poorly through school until they get to college where they usually excel- especially in Math and Science. They tend to be misunderstood, and if they do not recognize and understand their condition, they are at a high risk for divorce. The doctor we saw recommended that Jeremy read about Asperger's so he can understand his condition and recognize when his Aspie traits are showing. Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's looks like a good one for me to read first. If it looks good for Jeremy I'll pass it along. I remember trying so hard to force Jeremy to look at me when I was talking to him. I have tears in my eyes thinking about that. He was trying his best. His brain just was having a hard time listening to me while he was looking at me- very classic Aspie trait.

So Greg and I have known for a long time that Jeremy has Asperger's. It is one of the things about him that makes him so special. He would not have the tender heart that he has and the special way that he understands God without his Asperger's. We hesitated on getting him officially diagnosed because I did not want him labeled. His teachers have so misunderstood him that we felt we had no choice. We've already submitted his diagnosis and recommendations by the doctor who specializes in this to the school counselor. We haven't heard back about when we might have an ARD so that the teachers will have modifications. Hopefully the year won't be over by the time we get to that.

His teachers have gotten better, but I still wish they could hear a speaker about Asperger's. One of them kept saying, "well I've had a student with Asperger's before..." but a saying about kids on the Autism spectrum is "when you've met one child with Autism, you've met ONE child with Austim", meaning they are so different and varied that you can't use that one experience to judge the next person on the spectrum that you meet. I don't think they understand all the Asperger's traits that Jeremy has because all of their complaints have been about some pretty standard Aspie traits.

I am doing everything I can to help Jeremy. Vitamin D3 and B-12 seem to help people with Asperger's as well as cutting back on gluten, casein (milk products), and sugar. Protein seems to help. At times it is much less apparent that Jeremy has Asperger's. Unfortunately at school and at social gatherings, it seems to flare up. He likes to hold his hands together and spin his torso back and forth at children's church, sometimes with his eyes closed and his chin tilted up. Sometimes he also crosses one foot over the other. In so many of our photos he is pulling his fingers or hold his hands together- a common trait in children on the spectrum.

Jeremy lets it roll down his back. I've been more upset about how he is being treated than he is. It's just he has such a special heart and such a special way of viewing the world. I'm sad when I think he'll be misunderstood and feel like he doesn't fit in at times. He'll never be a jock. He'll never be that natural charismatic leader... well... you know what. I can't judge anything about what he can or cannot do. He can do all things through Christ who strengthens him. God knows Jeremy's heart because He made it. He has a plan for Jeremy.